Putting Myself Out There

 For the last 22 years, I have raised kids and recently started launching them into the world. Motherhood is a fantastic and meaningful job. It doesn't pay well and can be difficult with long hours, but the benefits are priceless. Yet deep down, I felt like God made me to do more than that. Sure, I led Bible studies, held some part time jobs, led a homeschool co-op, and volunteered in other capacities during those 22 years. But I could not shake the feeling that I was made to do more.

What was holding me back? Why wasn't I doing this "more" that kept lingering in my mind and soul?
And what was this "more" that I was to do? What exactly did God want me to do that I wasn't doing?

I still don't have answers for everything. But I have a few answers.

What was holding me back? Potentially a combination of myself (self-talk) and my enemy.

I have become my own worst critic, often telling myself things internally that I would never DREAM of saying to another living being. What I would never utter to another soul I somehow found acceptable to say to myself. Repeatedly. For decades.

"You've lost so many brain cells after staying home with your kids and daily enduring Cars and Thomas the Train for umpteen years."

"You're not dependable because your emotions are such a rollercoaster."

"You don't have anything worthwhile to say or offer."

"Who do you think you are?"

I also have an enemy. I can't see him, and I can't hear him audibly. But, oh my friend, he is so very real. He commands a minion army that is opposed to God and everything God wants and loves. And as an image bearer of God, that means he is opposed to me too.  He seeks to steal, kill, & destroy (John 10:10) and prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). If God put it in me to do things for His Kingodom, of course Satan and his minion demons will do what they can to keep me from accomplishing my tasks.  Cue the lies of the enemy in my ear.